Christmas music is filling the air. And that is a great thing, really it is. But can we be honest? There are some horrible Christmas songs. Almost as horrible as that photo of the little girl with Santa.
I’m not talking about random holiday music no one has ever heard. Easy-E’s Christmas album (yes, that’s a real thing that exists) will not be on my list. Part of what makes these truly horrible is how often you hear them.
I know we want to “be of good cheer” and all, but when you hear some songs it’s hard to not snap a candy cane in half or use an inflatable Santa as a tackling dummy.
Here are the 10 worst Christmas songs ever. No, you cannot argue with the list — it’s final.
10. Feliz Navidad
It has less than 19 words — Nine. Teen. — which are repeated ad nauseam. If the song has less words than the month of December has days it should be read on a Christmas card, not heard on the radio.
9. Baby It’s Cold Outside
I’ve already addressed this song once. It’s like Santa Baby. Both are songs you can only sing without inspecting the lyrics. Once you read the words, you can never hear them the same way.
8. Last Christmas
I know how we can best celebrate the birth of the Savior — a whiney 80s British synth pop song about missing your girlfriend? Sung by George Michael?
7. Happy Holiday / The Holiday Season
Some of the lyrical brilliance in this song includes: “It’s the holiday season with the whoop-de-do and hickory dock and don’t forget to hang up your sock.”
6. Happy Xmas (War is Over)
What’s that, one of the Beatles wrote a Christmas song and sang it with a children’s choir? Sign me up.
Wait, it’s co-written by Yoko Ono and really serves as a war protest song? Oh … never mind.
5. Here Comes Santa Claus
Let’s address the elephant in the room on this song. Gene Autry doesn’t say, “Here comes Santa Claus.” Instead he says, “Here comes Santie Claus.”
He mispronounces the name. That’s not nothing. Also, the theology in this song … no, just no.
4. Mary Did You Know?
Let’s ask a brand new mom, who had to deliver a baby (without anesthesia) in a dirty barn, if she knows specific future events that will happen with her child.
Or ask her things that she obviously knows because an angel specifically told her, I’m sure she’ll appreciate that. Make sure, you keep asking her and don’t take no for an answer.
3. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
Nope. Next one.
2. Wonderful Christmastime
It seems sad that so many great songwriters and musicians are on this list of horrible songs, but you can be honest, this is just a dreadful wreck of a song.
I’m not the only one who believe the two Beatles related Christmas songs are horrible. This one repeats the same six words 14 times. Kill it. Kill it with fire.
1. Christmas Shoes
When someone writes a blog post about the best ways to survive a song, you know you’ve hit made it to the big time in terms of horrible Christmas songs.
Yes, they made this song into a Hallmark movie, but the most telling fact of just how bad this song truly is – it was inspired by an email chain letter in the ’90s.
So what are the best Christmas songs? Unfortunately, popularity does not equal quality.
The current Billboard Holiday 100 top 10 features several of these songs. You’ll find a lot of bad songs among the most played on the radio, but not nearly as many among the most recorded Christmas songs.
If you want to know where to look to find the best Christmas songs, I can tell you. Most of them are somewhere you haven’t looked in years.