7 Reasons Coke Doesn’t Have Your Name on a Bottle

Share a Coke name bottle

By adding names to their bottles, Coca-Cola has unleashed one of the most brilliant marketing plans ever.

The soda giant is saying that it’s about developing community and sharing a Coke with someone else, but we all know what’s going on.

“Share a Coke with _____” basically takes McDonald’s Monopoly game of trying to find the missing piece and ups the ante with self-absorption … personalization.

Nobody wants to admit they rummaged through the entire bin at Walmart on Friday night frantically digging for their name, but some of you would do it or have done it already. You know who you are.

But only 250 names made the cut in the U.S. Your name wasn’t one of them and you want to know why.

Here are seven reasons Coke doesn’t have your name on a bottle.

1. Coke hates you.

It could just be that simple. Did you ever dump someone that went on to work for Coca-Cola?

Maybe, when the waitress asked you, “Will Pepsi work?” after you asked for a Coke, it was all a test. You said yes and now Coke’s feelings are hurt.

2. They have desires to stir up family discord.

Coke’s secret mission is to cause arguments between brothers and sisters, husbands and wives. This is their grand plan.

I’m the only person in my family with my name on one. You don’t think I’ve heard that already. This may be the spark that overturns our nation.

3. You don’t have Instagram.

What good are you to Coke if you don’t share your photo on social media? They want free advertisements.

Of course, you have Facebook, but Coke would much rather their bottles be viewed through an Early Bird filter.

4. If the president doesn’t have his name, why do you think you should get one?

Seriously, there’s no Barack can and he’s sitting in the Oval Office trying to deal with Russia and Putin being all crazy.

If anyone deserves to have an ice cold Coke with his name on it, it’s the president. So you can just get in line behind Barack.

5. You are not part of the chosen number.

Take off your tin foil hat, you were right. It is all one big conspiracy theory.

As one whose name is on a can, I’m not supposed to say this, but we Namers will be a part of the New World Order when the Illuminati take over … or Hulk Hogan wrestles again.

6. Coke is just saving you from being embarrassed.

They didn’t want come right out and say it, but … um … nobody wants to share a drink with you. Coke’s not sure why.

They think you have lots of great features, but for some reason right now, no one’s interested. That’s OK. There are more soft drinks in the sea or fridge, as the case may be.

7. They want funny videos of you falling into a cooler looking for it.

You jumped up really quick to see if anyone saw you. And you thought you got away with it, but Coke knew. They were filming it.

It’s all part of their next marketing plan – “Coke Diving: People love Coke so much they’re failing over themselves!”


Coke may need to produce a special bottle with “bitter” on it for all those still upset over their name being left off. Maybe it would help to “share a Coke with bitter.” They need it.

If you are set on finding some use for the named Coke cans, Carlos Whitaker has an idea.

Thanks to Elizabeth Hyndman, Jonathan Howe and Chris Martin for their help on this post.

7 Comments

  1. CAN YOU PLEASE PUT OUR NAMES
    TRIXIE,VASTHY,NICOLE,FSIGFRID AND IV

  2. I have also been shunned, making the switch to Dr Pepper.

  3. Bubba glass

    I want my name on a coke bottle (Bubba)

  4. America morales

    I would like to see if there is anyway possible I can special order 2 cokes (1) with my name America , I think if I’m named after our country then i should be able get a coke with my name on it . (2) Brent because he’s the love of my life. Well I figured I would give it a shot . Thank you , hope to revive at least a response . Oh my email is all lower case .

  5. kunashe

    please may you put my name on a coke i am just a 10 year old boy who likes technology

About Author

Aaron Earls

Christian. Husband. Daddy. Writer. Online editor for Facts & Trends Magazine. Fan of quick wits, magical wardrobes, brave hobbits, time traveling police boxes & Blue Devils.