Top 5 most dangerous upcoming "cliffs" of 2013

The United States was narrowly able to avert the fiscal cliff that was looming on January 1, 2013. OK, maybe “avert” is too strong of a word.

Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that we were able to “act like the cliff was imaginary and push it away for a few months.” Yeah Washington!

Whatever your opinion on the fiscal cliff solution, America faces other much more dangerous cliffs in the coming year. This have no set date, but they are surely coming and will bring devastation from coast to coast. OK, maybe “devastation” is too strong of a word.

Perhaps it would be more accurate to say these future cliffs will bring “likely mild annoyance and even possible aggravation.” But they’re coming, make no mistake.

Here are the top 5 most dangerous cliffs of 2013.

Photo from morgueFile.com

5. Twinkie Cliff

The Mayans were right. The world as we know it has ended. Twinkie the Kid is dead. The only thing to do now is wait … and hoard as many of the golden cream filled Hostess snack cakes in your basement as you can.

When we fall over the Twinkie Cliff there’s no going back. I mean, sure, we still have Swiss Cake Rolls and the other Little Debbie treats, but let’s be honest –– they are all poor substitutes for the Twinkie. RIB Twinkie: Rest In my Belly.

4. Grammar Cliff

Have you been on Facebook lately? No, seriously, have you seen the slaughter of the poor, innocent English language. The social media site is just the most obvious execution site. I feel certain that we can only sustain a few more uses of “there” when “they’re” is meant, before the whole thing collapses.

The Grammar Cliff, or perhaps “Grammer Cliph” will sneak up on us. One day, we are shaking our head at yet another use of “want” instead of “won’t,” the next a dangling participle is holding Twitter hostage until we grant him equal grammar rights.

3. Hollywood Creativity Cliff

Somehow we keep surviving scares with this one, but soon we won’t be so lucky. The two most popular movies right now? Film adaptations of a book and a musical. But those are the good ones. Remember, they did make a movie about the board game Battleship.

Every movie you can possibly think of (and even those you have worked hard to block from your memory) have planned sequels. Don’t believe me? Read the list if you dare. But it’s not like, they are going to make a movie inspired by the 80’s alien puppet sit-com Alf or anything … oh, wait.

2. Honey Boo Boo Cliff

Maybe this is more me being hopeful than anything else, but yes, I do fail to “redneckognize” why this train wreck of a show continues to capture the attention of the viewing public.

My dream is that this show goes hurtling down the over-exposure cliff taking Toddlers & Tiaras, along with the entire over dramatic, vicariously lived child pageant scene. The only problem? What would take its place? I shudder to think.

1. Call Me Maybe / Gangham Style Parody Cliff

We have quickly moved from, “Wow, that’s really funny” through “Ha, that’s kind of cute” and even far beyond, “Oh, please, for the sake of humanity, end it. End it all now!”

Look, we are now at the place where Catholic women wanting to be priests think making one of these videos would be a great way to convince the Catholic Church to change their position on ordaining women. Think about that for a moment. It almost makes you wish for the good old days of using musci to annoyingly celebrating a certain day of the week. Almost.

What cliff do you see looming in our future? What cultural cliff would you love to drive off of and never look back?