Notre Dame was forced to hold a press conference to discuss the imaginary girlfriend of one of their players. Yes, Notre Dame held a press conference in which they gave a statement and answered questions concerning the not real love interest of a player. That actually happened. In real life. Seriously.
But what people are forgetting is that there are numerous job opportunities for Kekua, besides having a meme developed after “her.” Imaginary, invisible, fake, it doesn’t matter. These jobs are perfect for her.
10. Political prop – Obama keeps referring to one life potentially saved by his gun control measures. That’s her.
9. Witness protection program – Hiding from Brent Musburger. Shhh, don’t tell him.
8. Sock snatcher – She’s the one who takes the one sock from a pair out of the dryer.
7. Chair holder – Clint Eastwood’s seat at the RNC wasn’t actually empty. She kept it warm for him.
6. Cyclist – The world needs one clean cyclist; she’s it.
5. Pandemonium promoter – If you’ve ever wondered who actually rushes out to buy bread and milk before a snow storm in the South, it’s her.
4. Swimsuit model – Sure, the girlfriends of SEC quarterbacks may be in Sports Illustrated, but Te’o’s is the cover girl for Sports Unillustrated
3. Featured guest on Mythbusters – It will be the first time a mythical person has actually appeared live on the show.
2. Ring watcher – Some hobbit named Bilbo gave her a ring to take care of, now no one can see her.
1. Linebacker for Notre Dame – Could the imaginary girlfriend not have tackled just as well as Te’o and the rest of the ND defense did (or didn’t as the case may be) in the national championship game?
What other jobs could Lennay Kekua apply for? I don’t think this story could possibly get any weirder … unless we find out she’s the one who has been helping Lance Armstrong evade drug testing.