Top 10 Christian-approved names for Halloween

Today is … you know what it is. It’s like Voldemort in Harry Potter. It’s the holiday whose name is not to be spoken in Christian circles. Well, except if followers of Jesus can’t say today’s holiday, they probably can’t really use a Harry Potter reference, so scratch that analogy.

If we can’t use that name, what can we call today? We’ve got Fall Festivals or Harvest Parties for all of our celebrations, but we haven’t decided on what to actually name the day. Here are the top 10 Christian-approved names for Halloween … oh, sorry. Excuse my language.

That’s not a Jack-o-lantern. It’s a smiley face pumpkin. Photo from RGBstock.com by Marja Flick-Buijs

10. Falloween – It’s so cheesy, it just might work.

9. The Last Day of October – Why not just be factual about it all?

8. Jack Chick Day – We honor the man who’s tracts scare more kids than Dracula.

7. The day when kids ring door bells and say, “Justice-or-Mercy!” – Because “trick-or-treat” is so secular.

6. Helloween – Let’s just jump to the cheap, emotional exploitations of eternal punishment.

5. Last Official Day of Pre-Christmas Music – Yes, ma’am, I am judging you for playing It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas before it is actually, you know, beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

4. Dress Up Like Your Favorite Bible Character Day – We’ve went over this before. You know this is what you do … for the church party.

3. National Tract Day – Or, the day Christians disappoint children every where.

2. Everybody Lock Your Doors Day – It’s like Mormon elders shrunk, put on costumes and demanded you give them candy, instead of take their literature.

1. National Awkward Day – Seriously, what are we supposed to do today? Christians are like a middle school boy at a school dance. Everyone around us seems to be having fun, while we just lean against the wall, sweating and praying no one talks to us.

Maybe that’s just me on Halloween and me at my middle school dance. But still, what are Christians supposed to do?

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Do you dare call it by the actually name or do you have your own Christianized name for it?

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About Author

Aaron Earls

Christian. Husband. Daddy. Writer. Online editor for Facts & Trends Magazine. Fan of quick wits, magical wardrobes, brave hobbits, time traveling police boxes & Blue Devils.