Humor: Top 10 Events at the 2012 Church-Olympics

For three years, I’m not sure I could possible care less about international archery, rowing, indoor volleyball or gymnastics. But during that fourth year, during the Olympics, it is suddenly the most important thing in the world that the US wins gold in all the bizarre sports that I wouldn’t normally regard as sports … like soccer. Just kidding. Kind of.

Take water polo for example. I have no idea what the rules are. It looks like a weird mix between soccer, football and swimming, but it’s named after a sport where you ride a horse. It is a completely British thing that I didn’t even know existed outside of Europe. Still, I was on the edge of my seat cheering for both the men’s and women’s US teams this week.

Olympic fever is raging in the United States and you know what that means don’t you? Churches have got to capitalize. But why stop at just having Olympic themed sermons, why not create your own church version of the Olympics – Churlympics.

The torch has been lit and the Christian flag is flying high in the Baptist Vatican City, also known as Nashville, TN (who, of course, were awarded the inaugural game). It is with great pleasure that I announce the first Churlympiad open. God bless each of the athletes (we don’t say “good luck”) in the top ten events at the 2012 Chuch-Olympics.

We would need to change this logo to five crosses, instead of circles.
Photo from by Tobias Titley

10. Relay … messages between family members during the service about what’s for lunch.

9. Backstroke … away from the mystery casserole at the potluck dinner.

8. Long jump … out of the way when the children’s minster comes by to ask for volunteers.

7. Rowing … aka ushers going up and down the rows until the offering plates look full enough.

6. Shooting … the pastor a look when he goes past 12:00 on Sunday morning.

5. 100 Meter Dash … to the car before everyone else, so you can beat them to the restaurant.

4. Wrestling … babies in the nursery as you try to put a new diaper on them.

3. Synchronized Diving … into the baptistry during a youth lock-in.

2. Boxing … up all the VBS decorations and trying to find somewhere to put them all.

1. Fencing … in the out of control kids during children’s church.

What other sports should be included at the Churlympics? If we add any more, I want to make sure we get synchronized hand lifting and marathon preaching in the second Churlympiad which will be held in Dallas, TX.

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Aaron Earls

Christian. Husband. Daddy. Writer. Online editor for Facts & Trends Magazine. Fan of quick wits, magical wardrobes, brave hobbits, time traveling police boxes & Blue Devils.