Humor: Top 5 comic heroes not rumored to be in Avengers 2

Now that we all know who the villain is going to be for the next Avengers movie, the only question left is who are the Avengers going to add to their growing group. Virtually every Marvel superhero has been a part of or helped the Avengers at some point, so the list of possibilities is substantial.

Discussions have already been in place for new members joining the team. Stan Lee has said that he would like to see Black Panther, Doctor Strange or Ant-Man join. The Wasp also seems a natural choice. I would love to see the Scarlet Witch and her twin brother Quicksilver join, as they were members of the Avengers early on.

We know, however, that some superheroes will never be a part of Avengers 2. For starters, you can cross Spiderman and the X-Men off your wish list. They have been licensed out to other movie studios and cannot be brought back in for the upcoming sequel.

Secondly, you can rest assured that none of the comic heroes in this list will be part of the next assembling of the Avengers. [Note to comic book geeks: I’m well aware of the fact that several on the list are DC and as such could not be in a Marvel movie. I get that, jeez. Don’t ruin the joke comic nerd. Also, I’ve got some special edition X-Men comics that I want to help make yours. I’m just saying. Call me!]

Here are the top 5 comic heroes not rumored to be in Avengers 2.

Avengers … Assemble! Well not all of you. Some of you are sorry comic heroes.
Poster from Comic Book Resources.

5. Squirrel Girl – Yeah, her name is really that. Yes, she is basically a mash-up of Spiderman and Aquaman if both of them were lame. She has squirrel-like abilities and can telepathically control the tree climbing rodents.

They needed her in this Avengers. She could have had dozens of squirrel snipers flinging acorns at the flying alien scooters. Then when all hope was lost, she could scamper up the building poke her head in a small tight space and get stuck until the end of the movie. OK, so maybe they didn’t need her, but she has more super powers than Black Widow, who’s only super power seemed to be the ability to have the zipper on her suit stuck in a strategic location.

4. Matter-Eater Lad – Quick super hero pro tip: If your super hero name has “Lad” in it, you are destined for lameness. Also, if your super hero name has “Matter” or “Eater” in it, you are also destined for lameness. If it has all three of them in it, you are destined for cult status, but not the big screen … ever.

Yes, he is a boy who can eat stuff, all matter to be precise. Tenzil Kem, Matter-Eater Lad’s real name, comes from the planet Bismoll. Yes, they went there. I’m not sure if his father’s name was Pepto, but you can be sure there is one, and only one, company pushing for this super hero to make the Avengers 2 cut.

3. Captain Planet – Oh, my beloved 90’s. You gave us the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles … and Captain Planet. What happens when a billionaire owns his own cartoon studio and cable channel and happens to be an extreme environmentalist? Out pops Captain Planet – green mullet and all.

The sad thing about Captain Planet, well, besides the fact that he exists, is that he had existentially god-like powers (super strength, flight, telepathy, psychokinesis, super speed, shape shifting, every X-Men ability ever), but blow some smoke in his face and he’s done for. Loki would have had a field day with Captain Planet. Chain smoking rednecks in the South would have a field day with Captain Planet.

2. Aquaman – Yes, poor Aquaman is on the list. How could you not watch the Super Friends and feel sorry for him or thankful that some evil villain was doing something evil in the ocean or some body of water? If the Legion of Doom didn’t have Black Manta, who knows what Aquaman would have been left with.

The comic book king of Atlantis should try to find a role in Battleship. That movie takes place, obviously, in the ocean. It’s about the only thing that the movie has in common with the board game. He could ask the dolphins to slap around a stray alien in the water. Who knows, maybe they’ll make a Spongebob meets the Avengers movie and Aquaman can help in it. He can bring Iron Man some tuna. Tony Stark gets hungry when he fights villains. We all know that now.

1. Ghetto Man – This I present without comment. Ghetto Man roasts the Justice League and the Legion of Doom. Seriously, Ghetto Man.

OK, just one comment. This is why Marvel makes better movies. Ghetto Man came from the DC universe.

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Who do you think is going to be added to the team in Avengers 2? Who would like to see? Who do you hopes never comes remotely close to being added?

10 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    I guarantee it will be Spiderman!

  2. Anonymous

    It might be hard to get spider-man. He’s already in a movie, and the only reason they didn’t have him in the first one is because they would have had to buy him from the company making the movie, which would cost a LOT.

  3. Ok aquaman is a huge count out he’s DC!

  4. Somebody didn’t read the introduction, where I note that some of them are DC heroes, but that this is a humor post and you shouldn’t get too wrapped up that you miss the joke for the distinct comic book universes.

  5. Being that they re created Spiderman he might have a chance also i heard a rumor they may recreate the cape crusader to compromise thee avengers and team up with the justice league like i said its just a rumor dont chew my head off plus rumors of the man of steel to be compromised as well but we’ll see how it turns out

  6. Anonymous

    With the next Avenger movie coming out. And the x-men going to other companies to b filmed. Captain America has only one person he can talk to from his past is Logan aka Wolverine, He was with captain America unit when he took down the red skull. I belive that captain should get some answers about his time.

    THE TRUTH

  7. Anonymous

    With the next Avenger movie coming out. And the x-men going to other companies to b filmed. Captain America has only one person he can talk to from his past is Logan aka Wolverine, He was with captain America unit when he took down the red skull. I belive that captain should get some answers about his time.

    THE TRUTH

  8. Anonymous

    With the next Avenger movie coming out i believe that
    ANT MAN aka GIANT MAN, WASP, and BLACK PANTHER should be apart of the avengers in the next movie. That is hoe Stan lee would want it and as a true fan that is how i would want it.

  9. Anonymous

    The captain wont get truth from logan he doesnt have memories from his past but that being said would love to see cap and logan tearing it up together. Also would like to see some villans who sometimes help good guysi cant think of any examples but you know ones i mean

  10. Anonymous

    DC put out the Nolan batmans, and Man of Steel. Those four movies are ten times better than all the marvel movies. The only marvel movie that comes close is X-Men First Class. Watch Man of Steel in Imax 3D and you will know it to be true.

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Aaron Earls

Christian. Husband. Daddy. Writer. Online editor for Facts & Trends Magazine. Fan of quick wits, magical wardrobes, brave hobbits, time traveling police boxes & Blue Devils.