Discussions have already been in place for new members joining the team. Stan Lee has said that he would like to see Black Panther, Doctor Strange or Ant-Man join. The Wasp also seems a natural choice. I would love to see the Scarlet Witch and her twin brother Quicksilver join, as they were members of the Avengers early on.
We know, however, that some superheroes will never be a part of Avengers 2. For starters, you can cross Spiderman and the X-Men off your wish list. They have been licensed out to other movie studios and cannot be brought back in for the upcoming sequel.
Secondly, you can rest assured that none of the comic heroes in this list will be part of the next assembling of the Avengers. [Note to comic book geeks: I’m well aware of the fact that several on the list are DC and as such could not be in a Marvel movie. I get that, jeez. Don’t ruin the joke comic nerd. Also, I’ve got some special edition X-Men comics that I want to help make yours. I’m just saying. Call me!]
|Avengers … Assemble! Well not all of you. Some of you are sorry comic heroes.
Poster from Comic Book Resources.
5. Squirrel Girl – Yeah, her name is really that. Yes, she is basically a mash-up of Spiderman and Aquaman if both of them were lame. She has squirrel-like abilities and can telepathically control the tree climbing rodents.
They needed her in this Avengers. She could have had dozens of squirrel snipers flinging acorns at the flying alien scooters. Then when all hope was lost, she could scamper up the building poke her head in a small tight space and get stuck until the end of the movie. OK, so maybe they didn’t need her, but she has more super powers than Black Widow, who’s only super power seemed to be the ability to have the zipper on her suit stuck in a strategic location.
4. Matter-Eater Lad – Quick super hero pro tip: If your super hero name has “Lad” in it, you are destined for lameness. Also, if your super hero name has “Matter” or “Eater” in it, you are also destined for lameness. If it has all three of them in it, you are destined for cult status, but not the big screen … ever.
Yes, he is a boy who can eat stuff, all matter to be precise. Tenzil Kem, Matter-Eater Lad’s real name, comes from the planet Bismoll. Yes, they went there. I’m not sure if his father’s name was Pepto, but you can be sure there is one, and only one, company pushing for this super hero to make the Avengers 2 cut.
3. Captain Planet – Oh, my beloved 90’s. You gave us the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles … and Captain Planet. What happens when a billionaire owns his own cartoon studio and cable channel and happens to be an extreme environmentalist? Out pops Captain Planet – green mullet and all.
The sad thing about Captain Planet, well, besides the fact that he exists, is that he had existentially god-like powers (super strength, flight, telepathy, psychokinesis, super speed, shape shifting, every X-Men ability ever), but blow some smoke in his face and he’s done for. Loki would have had a field day with Captain Planet. Chain smoking rednecks in the South would have a field day with Captain Planet.
2. Aquaman – Yes, poor Aquaman is on the list. How could you not watch the Super Friends and feel sorry for him or thankful that some evil villain was doing something evil in the ocean or some body of water? If the Legion of Doom didn’t have Black Manta, who knows what Aquaman would have been left with.
The comic book king of Atlantis should try to find a role in Battleship. That movie takes place, obviously, in the ocean. It’s about the only thing that the movie has in common with the board game. He could ask the dolphins to slap around a stray alien in the water. Who knows, maybe they’ll make a Spongebob meets the Avengers movie and Aquaman can help in it. He can bring Iron Man some tuna. Tony Stark gets hungry when he fights villains. We all know that now.
1. Ghetto Man – This I present without comment. Ghetto Man roasts the Justice League and the Legion of Doom. Seriously, Ghetto Man.
OK, just one comment. This is why Marvel makes better movies. Ghetto Man came from the DC universe.
Who do you think is going to be added to the team in Avengers 2? Who would like to see? Who do you hopes never comes remotely close to being added?