Not here at Wardrobe Door. Not ever.
We will not let this stand. We will take a stand for all the neglected holidays (well at least five of them anyway) and tell the stores to hold off on their exploitation of the birth of Jesus. There are several other days they can exploit before it’s time for that.
Here are the top 5 holidays that retailers should find ways to make money off of after they take down all of their pumpkins, but before they slap candy canes all over the store.
|Cartoon from WeKnowMemes.com|
5. National Roast Suckling Pig Day (December 18): Seriously. It’s a holiday in honor of roast. suckling. pig. How amazing is that? Well, unless you are the suckling pig, of course. Then, it’s not so awesome.
Think of the eye-catching displays in Walmart of gigantic, plastic roasted pigs hanging from the ceiling. Who wouldn’t want to shop there? OK, on second thought I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. Honestly, I don’t think I want to go to Walmart and see an enormous whole pig cadaver being cooked above my head.
4. Sadie Hawkins Day (first Saturday after November 9): Or as I like to call it Passive Aggressive Guy Day. Why would you not honor this day with some kind of big sale on “man stuff”? This could be like a reverse Valentines Day. Instead of having a man buy their wife or girlfriend something, the ladies are out shopping for their man.
Instead of chocolate in heart-shaped boxes, you could sell bacon in football-shaped boxes. TVs, video games, bacon, sporting equipment, bacon, Blu-ray players, movies with explosions, bacon, and even more bacon would all be on sale.
3. Leif Ericson Day (October 9): What’s sadder – that I had never heard of this holiday or that I thought this was a day devoted to 70’s teen idol and subsequent drug addict, Leif Garrett? I’m going with the later.
But is it just me or is this some kind of Nordic attempt at a providing an alternative to Christopher Columbus Day? “Why celebrate some diseases carrying Italian sailing in three Spanish boats who thought he landed in India, when you can honor a Viking who found the land 500 years earlier?”
(Yes, I realize that October 9 does not fall in my time frame between October 31 and December 25, but the jokes write themselves. Sometimes, you have to go outside the lines a little. It’s Leif Ericson Day. How can I not include that?)
2. Veteran’s Day (November 11): If there is a group of people I do not want to make mad, it’s the veterans. Obviously, they deserve our respect and deepest gratitude, so I wanted to honor them, not anger them, but I also recognize the fact that virtually all of them could snap me in half without breaking a sweat.
I really would not want to explain to a veteran why my store is skipping his day to focus on Christmas already, especially the World War II vets. The old guys are tough. Sure, some of them may roll around in a hover-round scooter, but if he had to I bet that old vet could leap out of that comfy chair like a panther. An angry, offended panther because the store decided it needed to put up a fake North Pole display instead of an American flag.
1. Thanksgiving (Fourth Thursday in November): Ah, Thanksgiving. The holiday where public school teachers dance around the issue of to whom the Pilgrim’s were giving thanks. The holiday where people pretend like they enjoy turkey, a can-shaped glob of cranberry sauce and their family.
Growing up on a turkey farm, as I did, Thanksgiving was always such a special day. Actually, I just lied about the whole “special day” thing. It was a day like any other. Turkeys have no idea it’s Thanksgiving. If they knew what the day was, don’t you think they would feel a little differently about it than we do. Thankfully, they don’t have the Force to hear the cries of thousands of their fellow fowl being silenced/devoured at once.
What holiday is ignored the most during the “holiday season?” What is your favorite off-the-wall holiday?