Top 5: Christian Facebook Apps

For new readers to this blog, I try (emphasis on try) to write a humor post every week, usually on Friday. Here’s this week’s attempt (emphasis on attempt).

Meet Holy Town and its designer Maiko Martin. The 21-year-old Christian developer of the Facebook app says the game “aims to simulate a real-world evangelical experience through social media.” The point of the game is to “preach” by typing in certain words every day to make your church grow larger.

Because nothing says “real-world evangelical experience” like sitting behind a computer and pretending you are spreading the Gospel … sadly I’m not even sure if that is sarcastic or not.

But if we were really going to go all out, what else would make Facebook more Christian? Here are five Facebook additions or changes to help it become super Jesus-fied.

Nothing says, “I love Jesus and you, but not in a weird way” quite like a side-hug.
Photo from by Darinkita

5. Love Button: How am I supposed to be a Christian when the only option I have is a “Like” button? What if someone makes a comment about the greatness of God? You can’t just like that? Jesus said that the world would know we were His by our love for one another. Hear that Facebook? Love. Not Like. Love.

4. Church Wars: You really want a slice of the American evangelical life? How about churches fighting over members? The church beside you adds a family life center. You hire a new hip worship pastor with a soul patch and install big screen displays through out the coffee shop outside your worship center. Compete with your friends to grow the biggest church. Survive deacon’s meetings and angry business conferences. Become the hottest megachurch pastor and receive book deals and conference invites.

3. Brothers and Sisters: The bond between Christians is so much stronger than that of a “Friend.” I need to be able to show that on my social media outlets. The only problem comes when I receive a request from someone with an ambiguous name to match their ambiguous haircut and I’m not sure if they would be my brother or my sister in Christ. Maybe there also needs to be something similar to the traditional greeting of “Hey … broth … sist … you. Hey you!”

2. Growing Fruit of the Spirit: Who needs to grow corn and wool on Farmville, when you can produce peace and kindness at your Fruit of the Spirit farm. Just stop by and commit specific acts that correspond with each of the fruit, but bear in mind it is going to take a lot of clicks to produce patience. Why would you actually want to wait around in real life to develop joy, when you can type “smile” in three times a day for a week and grow it on your Fruit of the Spirit farm? You can have all of the fruit of the Spirit and never have to actually interact with another human being.

1. Side-Hug: There is something just wrong about “pokes.” It sounds so strange and ungodly, why not replace it with every Christians favorite greeting – the side-hug? You know, the hug that says “Hey, we are comfortable around each other, but whoa not that comfortable because that would be freaky and sinful.” Every time you give a side-hug an angel gets their wings. I don’t want to poke random Facebook friends, but I would love to side-hug some of my brothers and sisters.

What changes would you make to Facebook so that it would be more like Jesus?

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About Author

Aaron Earls

Christian. Husband. Daddy. Writer. Online editor for Facts & Trends Magazine. Fan of quick wits, magical wardrobes, brave hobbits, time traveling police boxes & Blue Devils.